highly recommend this film, it was awesome!

Did you like it or did you hate it? Please discuss :) 

Have a look :) Thanks!

I wrote some words on the new Jezabels album, would be cool if you could read it and stuff!!

Please read! And buy the album, it is lovely.

BUT SO WORTH IT.

Hey homos! This is a post/review/cryfest regarding new British drama Lip Service. I’m sure that if you watched it you had feelings about it. So do I. If you haven’t seen it yet I would actively encourage you not too, but if you’re anything like me you’ll be like Lesbians! Lesbians everywhere! and will want to see it. So I am therefore warning you that this post contains spoilers! Also, caps lock.

So let’s get on with it.

So sometime waaaaay back last year I remember reading that some drama to do with Scottish lezzies was gonna be aired sometime. I was all like YAY! BRITISH L WORD! YAY! and then I found out it was only 6 episodes long and was like oh. Anyway, despite learning that any drama to do with big ol’ gaymos was gonna be shorter than a short thing and only to be aired at half past ten on a Tuesday, which is like, waaaay past my bedtime especially if you have to watch it afterwards on iPlayer because you can’t afford a tv or even a license, I was still GONNA WATCH IT!

Here is the official description of the show:

Lip Service is a funny, irreverent and moving drama series which follows the interwoven love lives of Frankie, Cat and Tess, three gay women living in Glasgow whose search for happiness stirs up hidden passions and secrets.

Ooh! Fancy!

Here is my description of the show:

What the hell!?

It started off promising. Sexy lesbians being sexy and doing their day jobs: Frankie the photographer, Cat the umm.. something in a suit and Tess the actress auditioning for an advert for face cream (my favourite part of the episode was her audition - fresh!) So far so good. Tess breaks into her ex-girlfriend’s house to get her dress back and ends up hiding under the bed whilst said ex-girlfriend eats out an Asian. Tad unlikely, but entertaining. My primary thought during this scene was ‘Wow they skipped foreplay.’ 

Frankie’s aunt died and so she had to come back from New York which was to where she’d ran off two years previous without telling anyone, leaving Cat broken hearted and totally not over it and everyone else mega pissed. Okay. Cool. I get it. 

So I was starting to enjoy it and then… and then it all just got a bit silly, didn’t it. Straight girls crying in the loos because their boyfriend dumped them do not suddenly get the fuck over it because a pretty lesbian gives them a hug and then spend the evening kissing and smashing toy robots with their Louboutins.

I mean, when your boyfriend/girlfriend dumps you you don’t get the urge to go out and kiss someone - ANYONE - else until you’re at least halfway through the tub of Ben and Jerry’s, amirite? You need time to cry and listen to Paolo Nutini’s Crazy For You first. And straight girls don’t get the ‘Nuaarrghh, I’m just gonna turn lesbian!!11!’ until about 3 shitty dates afterwards.

I know this because I’m always the lesbian they’re gonna go for when they’re desperate enough, and I’m going to tell you now that THEY’RE NEVER DESPERATE ENOUGH. ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY’RE PRETTY LIKE THAT GIRL IN THE SHOW. I mean, I didn’t get the ‘Goddamn gayness ruining my life… I’M GONNA KISS A BOY’ until about 6 months after *she* smashed my ego to bits with a big lesbo mallet. 

IT JUST DOESN’T HAPPEN THAT WAY. 

Also, people who happen to find a date for maybe the first time after their ex ran away to America two years ago and then bump into them on the street beforehand and so get all worked up and nervous and freaked out because they’re still soinlove do not make such a tit out of themselves as Cat did on that date. NOBODY is that retarded. I’m sorry.

And last but not least by ANY MEANS AT ALL… here is the piece de la resistance of the episode!  

I’ve never been to a funeral home. I am fortunate enough to not have had anyone close to me die. But somehow I don’t think that the motherfucking receptionist would come onto someone come to say goodbye to their dead aunt. Bitch, no. 

Imagine if this was a show about straight people and the dude behind the desk hit on some poor chick come to pay her last respects to her aunt. She wouldn’t ‘bear it in mind,’ SHE’D RIP HIS FUCKING DICK OFF. 

And she ESPECIALLY ESPECIALLY would not say goodbye to her aunt, then go and try and get it on with the flustered ex, get rejected and then… GO AND HAVE SEX WITH THE RECEPTIONIST…..

IN THE MORGUE.

BITCH, PLEASE! 

Also, whilst finger-banging the receptionist/making quips about the sea of dead bodies around you/seemingly dancing (I know I haven’t had most experience with vaginas other than my own, but I don’t think I’d do it thatway…)/listening to porno-worthy moans from receptionist, Flustered Ex Cat changes her mind and decides that she does want a bit of Frankie after all and then catches them danc- sorry, fucking, and goes outside and cries in the rain.

It’s okay though, cos according to Robyn nobody can see your tears in the pouring rain so at least she hasn’t lost any street cred, she’ll just be mentally tormented by the image of the loveofherlive fingering some bitch next to a dead guy. No biggie. 

I can’t be the only lesbian in the world worried about the fact that such representation is sorta negative press. I’m not saying that every show should have lesbians doing glorious things gloriously, but come on. If everyone who watches that show gets the idea that lesbians enjoy fucking whilst simultaneously grieving then Prop 8 ain’t never gonna get repealed. 

Girls can multi task, but not in that way. 

In conclusion, like every other gay girl in this very straight world I feel starved of sexy homos on TV so will doubtless watch this next week and review you the second episode, however next week I will not be filled with hope and optimism as I settle down to watch the episode. It will be a sinking feeling, one filled with dread and a hesitance to believe what I am watching. A feeling akin to when your alarm wakes you up in the morning and in your dazed and confused state you check the time three times before admitting to yourself that yes, it is true. You have to get up now. 

Such is British television. 

I swear to God, when I’ve taken over the entirety of the media, things will get better ladies. I promise you all!